Tuesday 17 January 2012

Will.I.Am feat. Mick Jagger and Jennifer Lopez - T.H.E (The Hardest Ever)

Never mind hard, it's almost too easy to slate young Will aka Good.I'm.Not.

I mean, what's his obsession with acronyms?  What's wrong with The Hardest Ever instead of the pointless T.H.E?  And did anyone else hope, when watching the video, he didn't manage to smash through the wall and instead fell flat on his face?

Production-wise this is the same "futuristic" RnB shite we all know and hate.  But the track consists of too many disparate sections that don't gel with their varying tempos - just like the collaborators.  The video reflects this, looking more like an advertisement for public transport.  I think Will's been watching too much Transformers.

J-Lo's section is harmless enough, the usual sexy-writhing-in-catsuit stuff.  But what does Mick Jagger think he's doing?  Is he that desperate for money?  Instead he proves he doesn't have the "moves like Jagger", jerking and gyrating like a prune-faced neon space alien having a fit.  It's beyond hilarious.  It's quite simply tragic.

Then there's the lyrics.  "Tell a jealous chicken I don't know what the beef is". Erm, what? "You can be a geek or be a rolling stoner" - ah, see what you did there. Then there's the hook: "You can go hard or you can go home". The only hard thing is actually listening to the whole song without crying hard, salty tears at the sheer murder of pop music.

Will's report card: must try harder.

Now go home.


Listen: Don't bother.