Tuesday 21 June 2011

Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger

"Musicality...musicality...you should get some of your own"

Here comes superstar wannabe Cher Lloyd and Will.I.Am with their swag bag, stealing ideas from all over the shop.  The melody is basically Oh My Darling Clementine; the "rap" is just Ke$ha style talking; the synth ripped from every recent dance track.  Essentially, this is just the dregs of Will.I.Am's Black Eyed Peas output that he crapped out on the floor and has been scooped up by Lloyd as she undeservedly grovels at his feet. 

More importantly, what the hell is "swagger jagger"?  As ever, Urban Dictionary proves most useful:

"A person who always cramps your style. A form of hatin'"

And there was me thinking she was singing about Mick Jagger.  "My swagger's in check", she sings.  In check it may be, but her musical ability certainly isn't.  Instead she's managed to write the musical equivalent of Chinese water torture - this song will get in your head, spread like a germ and slowly destroy you.

I'd genuinely rather listen to Rebecca Black Friday on repeat.