Saturday, 14 May 2011

Blue - I Can

From the depths of oblivion and career failure, Blue are back and hoping to win the hearts of the nation and the continent.

What a waste of time.

Is this a number one single?  No.  It's like a time-warp back a decade.  Nothing's changed.  It didn't work well the first time, so why make a comeback?  Nobody cares.

But this song should really be judged on its Eurovision merits.  So, is it a winning song?  No.

Sure, it's a relatively catchy, camp pop song - typical Eurovision fair.  But it lacks any form of Euro-quirkiness which makes the contest interesting.  Where are the transvestites?  The poorly translated words?  The crazy costumes and props?  Essentially, it's too boring and too British.

And that's the problem: the lads won't win because we're British.  Their hopes rely solely on an ageing fanbase (and maybe a Royal Wedding).  Let's face it, despite paying for the contest, nobody likes us.  The winner win undoubtedly be some relatively unknown country in the middle of nowhere who everyone will vote for for fear of being invaded. 

Sorry Blue, you'll never win, though it's not entirely your fault.  You can sing I can all you like, but you can't change the minds of Europe.  Losing is something we're all accustomed to by now...

Nil points sur cinq.