Guardians of the
Galaxy gets off to a pretty terrible start.
We witness a young, teary-eyed Peter Quill at his mother’s deathbed, his
despair as she passes on, before he runs screaming from the hospital…and is
swiftly abducted by aliens. TITLE SCREEN.
It’s a horrible
juxtaposition that pretty much sums up a film full of jarring changes of
tone. No sooner is mum dead but she’s
quickly forgotten, the only link to Earth being Quill’s Walkman that plays a
mixtape of 70s and 80s soul tunes whilst he’s off guarding the galaxy. It’s laughably anachronistic, though it does
provide some unique tongue-in-cheek charm to a film in an otherwise crowded superhero
genre.
The music is just
one example of a film that, like Avengers
Assemble before it, uses comedy to paper over the gaping cracks in the plot. Is it too much to ask for a superhero film to
provide thrilling action alongside a decent story? With the exception of Nolan’s Batman films, it seems the two are
mutually exclusive. Fun action aside, Guardians of the Galaxy has a narrative
that jumps from planet to planet with little development following a
hilariously awful cast that includes Zoe Saldana making green skin look sexy as
Gamora, Vin Diesel as the humanoid plant Groot (because who else is tough and
wooden enough to play a walking tree?), and Bradley Cooper as a talking raccoon(!).
Moreover, the film
is essentially Marvel’s attempt to copy the grandest of space operas, Star Wars. In addition to the helmeted villain with a
funny voice wishing to destroy a planet and the general look and feel of the
world, specifically the relationship between Cooper’s bounty hunter raccoon
Rocket and Diesel’s linguistically-challenged Groot directly parallels that of
Han Solo and his companion Chewbacca. Quill,
too, is essentially riffing on the same charming, womanising mercenary
character, though thank God for Chris Pratt. Definitely the actor of the moment, he’s come
a long way since his goofy role in Parks
& Recreation and here provides some much needed humanity.
Most of all, Guardians of the Galaxy commits the
cardinal sin of superhero movies by failing to provide a convincing
nemesis. Lee Pace’s Ronan is a weak and
underdeveloped villain amongst some vapid guff about an infinity stone and his
rarely seen but apparently all-powerful master, the sort of rubbish that’s been
shat out by a teenage boy in his sleep.
Who exactly are the guardians guarding the galaxy against? Too easily do they succumb to clichéd characterisation
and unfunny one liners. “You said it
bitch, we’re the guardians of the galaxy”, spits Quill in the film’s final
scene (left wide open for the inevitable sequel).
Dear [Star]Lord it’s
bad.
2/5