Wednesday 24 April 2013

Will.I.Am - #willpower

Only Will.I.Am could create a new album called '#willpower' that, ironically enough, will require all of your willpower to actually listen to it.

And that's not the only thing unique to Will.I.Am and his latest musical abomination:

Only Will.I.Am could….

...release an album that's anything but "dope".

...spend the first two tracks welcoming us to the album - not only does he wish us Good Morning (an idea stolen from Kanye's 'Graduation' album) but he then spends almost five minutes saying Hello.  Um...hi?

...earn the moniker Will.I.Steal by stealing other people's music and (almost) getting away with it.  His direct ripping of Arty and Mat Zo's track Rebound on Let's Go (feat. Chris Brown) without approval has been well documented and smacks of Will.I.Am's arrogance and lack of original ideas.

...sample The Charleston from the 1923 Broadway show 'Runnin' Wild' and combine it with modern dance music on Bang Bang.  This mix of old and new does not make it cool or clever.

...sample the Intel chimes on Geekin' in non-ironic fashion.

... blatantly copy another song, even if it's not a direct sample.  Let's face it, Fall Down (feat. Miley Cyrus) is basically Ke$ha's Die Young.  And the end of Reach For The Stars (if you can make it that far) even copies Beethoven. BEETHOVEN.

...make a record that's more robotic than Daft Punk, despite frequent unsubtle mentions like "technologic" on Geekin', or Bieber's "bigger, better, stronger, power" lyric on #thatPOWER.  Being a robot is only cool if you're French and wear a helmet, rather than having a weirdly angular 'fro and the inability to sing without the aid of a vocoder.

...not only use # in the album title, but in a track title (#thatPOWER) and in the lyrics ("#extortion").

...collaborate with acts such as Justin Bieber, Chris Brown and (the infuriatingly annoying) Baby Kaely and make them seem talented.  Skylar Grey, however, deserves better, whilst "Britney-bitch" overshadows the whole album.

...write an album of such vacuous lyrical content.  No Will, you are anything but a "dope crusader, funky terminator" and rhyming "Mark Zuckerbeg" with "tweety bird" does not make you "the f*cking nerd".  Calling a girl an elevator "cause you always pick me up" isn't particularly endearing.  The World Is Crazy might be your big political statement about everyone "just following a blind man", but it's somewhat undermined by Freshy glamourising gangster lifestyle ("Big willy, stay chilly, my money's so funny it's silly").  About the only thing you got right is Gettin' Dumb - exactly what your album makes me feel.

...fill an album with such repetitive bleeps and bloops, it makes you want to rip your own ears off and condemn the future of pop.  Even then, it's unlikely you'll get these earworms out of your head.

...make an album that the whole world can love to hate.


Gizzle's Choice (if you really must):
* Let's Go
* #thatPOWER
* Love Bullets